Review: Fifty Shades Freed

Image courtesy of Universal Pictures.

"Fifty Shades Freed" tells a time honored story - girl meets sadomasochistic millionaire boy and then gets stalked by fired editor from her publishing house. Trust me when I say that the appearance of the word "freed" in the film's title was particularly meaningful for me as this series comes to a conclusion.

Yes, this third cinematic entry into E.L. James' trilogy is patently absurd and its various plot threads become increasingly ludicrous as it stumbles toward its finale. There's a certain charm in it because the filmmakers - including director James Foley, who has seen better material than this - clearly know that they are peddling ridiculousness. So, while the picture is occasionally amusing - if for no other reason than its plethora of giggle inducing scenes - that doesn't mean it is good.

As the film opens, Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) are taking part in their nuptials. Their honeymoon is cut short after there is a break-in at Grey's company and he recognizes Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson), Anastasia's former co-worker who attempted to assault her, on the video footage. They leave their vacation in France because clearly catching someone on video committing a crime wouldn't be a matter for the police to handle.

As was the case in the other "Fifty Shades" films, the action momentarily halts every 20 minutes or so for soft core sex scenes, during which Anastasia and Christian clearly don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump 'n grind involving ice cream, ropes and, during one sequence, a vibrator. You know it's not a good thing when the dullest moments in a movie based around a kinky relationship are the sex scenes.

Meanwhile, Hyde - who is one of the types of villains who can seemingly maneuver without anyone noticing - shows up at Anastasia and Christian's home, but his attack is thwarted and he is arrested. He is later released from jail because clearly arson being caught on videotape and holding a knife to a woman's throat aren't enough to have bail denied.

At one point, Anastasia finds out she is pregnant, which leads Christian to throw a tantrum. He then turns to his mentor (recently played by Kim Basinger, but sadly absent here), which then leads to a squabble between the couple. In other words, here's some manufactured drama to fill out the remainder of the film's running time.

The storyline involving Hyde plays out hilariously as it turns out that not one - but two! - former or current employees of Anastasia's seemingly nefarious publishing firm are engaged in the criminal arts. A scenario involving a kidnapping is solved too quickly to add any dramatic weight to the film and the picture wraps up with - I don't know if this qualifies for a spoiler alert - Anastasia and Christian coming to terms with each other's needs.

I repeat, some of "Fifty Shades Freed" is modestly amusing, namely because the picture doesn't take itself very seriously and it wears its absurdity with a badge of honor. But let's not mistake this for an endorsement. It's not a good movie and its few delights don't make up for its near two-hour running time.